Starting over after divorce can be overwhelming. How do you learn to date again? What steps do you take to create a social life? What can you do to start your life over and not make the same mistakes you made in the past?

Men and women lose at least half of their social network when they get divorced. Their relationships with relatives, in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues, and spousal friends all shift and change. It takes determination to start building new social connections when you are alone and starting over.

Here are Five Tips to help you start over.

1. Mourning the loss of a marriage is necessary. Following that, you need to find ways to get positive.

Therapy and counseling can help. Give yourself at least a year to mend. Eventually, there comes a point when you need to change your focus. Think about what you have always wanted to do and where you have always wanted to go. Take one specific talent and polish it. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong in your life, start looking at what you have going for you.

2. Date cautiously.

The danger in the awkward pre-dating state is that you can get into a mini-marriage (a relationship that is exclusive but not committed) before you really know the person. After one or two dates, you could start seeing a person out of habit and loneliness without thinking it through. Then, you will not be available to find the love you have always wanted. When you go out, stay open to meeting lots of people, and try not to get hooked up with just one person yet.

3. Plan your weekends.

When you are alone on the weekends, you are vulnerable. Plan ahead. Call a cousin, or your mother, father, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, or nieces and nephews. You have someone in your life you can take places with you who will not look like a date, no matter what gender they are. Always have a plan for something on the weekend.

4. Find something new to do that you love.

Nothing revitalizes our life like doing activities that we love. When you do this, you will become more attractive, and will find it easier to meet others. What have you always wanted to do and kept putting off? If you don’t know where to start, pick up an adult school catalog and plan from there.

5. Visualize.

Before you go to sleep at night and before you start your day in the morning, visualize how you want your day to be. Following that, picture how you would love for your life to look all the time. What do you want to do in your work and what kind of relationships do you want around you? Picture yourself with all the love and attention you want and need.

You can build a new and wonderful life. Starting over starts with taking one step at a time. You can do it!

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

Respect…respect…respect.

This is major to a long and successful marriage.

All too often, in my practice as a spiritual counselor, I
find couples have derailed their mutual respect in many
subtle and not-so-subtle ways through their style of
intimacy.

They mistakenly believe being married gives them license to
get into each other’s head. Too many married couples, soon
after tying the knot-or even before-begin to treat each
other the way each one treats him/herself. This is what many
of my clients think intimacy is about.

With this style of intimacy, we project on to our spouse all
the demoralizing, self-inflicting wounds we give to
ourselves. Whatever baggage we carry, we thrust upon our
partner. Hidden anger, self-doubt, and fear-to identify our
most common failings-get tossed back and forth between the
partners. In other words, we treat our spouse as badly as we
treat ourselves.

It is my impression, we are more kind to strangers. We ought
to treat our spouses as kindly as we treat a stranger.
Politeness is not the same as coldness or aloofness.
Civility is the beginning of positive intimacy. And that
sort of intimacy is worth internalizing. From treating our
spouse in a kindly fashion, we can learn from our own
behavior and begin to treat ourselves more kindly. By that,
I don’t mean pandering ourselves with over-indulgence of our
appetites or by avoiding challenges. I don’t mean taking the
easy way out.

By exercising kindness to ourselves, we discontinue
harboring negative ideas about ourselves. We stop self-
judgmental habits; we stop trying to prove we are okay be
resorting to perfectionism; we stop nursing past hurts; we
stop anticipating future insults. And by clearing our mental
house of negative self-intimacy, we are then more able and
willing to be kindly disposed to our beloved other.

Treating our spouse as politely as we treat a stranger makes
for an easier process when it comes to dealing with issues
and differences. Having grown to be more kind toward
ourselves, we have learned how to be an observer of our
inner as well as outer behaviors. We become a witness to our
actions and thoughts. We learn to understand ourselves
better. And thinking more kindly about ourselves, we have
enabled ourselves to move through our negotiations with our
spouse from a higher perspective. It is as if we were
standing at the top of a mountain looking down and seeing
with more clarity all that is happening below.

We have learned to see our emotions from some amount of
distance, enough to be open to hearing more clearly what the
other needs to say. We listen to each other without
defending ourselves, without seeking to change the other.
Just listening, just hearing without heavy emotional
involvement, makes all the difference in the world. This is
the way of polite negotiation. This is the way marriages are
sustained, are nurtured, and ripen.

Generally, people are attracted to an opposite type. We see
in the other characteristics and behaviors we secretly wish
were ours. At first, being with our opposite is a positive
delight. Until it happens-and it generally happens-that each
partner, to some extent or another, attempts to change the
others habits, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. Those very
attributes we were attracted to in the first place begin to
threaten.

The honeymoon is over when one partner starts working on the
other attempting to get the other to become more like him or
her. Because the partner harbors unconscious doubts about
her/himself, because of the negative intimacy the person
inflicts on her/himself, the need to change the other-to
take on his/her characteristics and attitudes-is a way to
alleviate some of that doubt. If she is more like me, then I
must be okay.

This is the path to a hostile environment. In such a
marriage, delight in each other dries up, the warmth and
love desired evaporates. The partners have a sense of too
many differences separating them from each other. If they
persist in remaining connected, their life becomes one of
quiet desperation. If the two are still civil with each
other, the civility is brittle. There is no kindness, no
loving, and caring feeling between them. Many marriages persist in this manner for various reasons, financial being the most prominent.

But if each partner practices self-kindness and a detached
witnessing of self, then each can allow the other the space
needed in which to grow. Gradually, the gap between
differences narrows; each has shifted somewhat in attitude
and behavior; each has miraculously become more like the
other. And then it becomes a joy for the two to be together.
Each has realized the pleasure of having become more like
that person they were attracted to in the beginning.

Such a ripening can be the consequence of a lengthy and
successful marriage. We become more whole. This is why we
do it.

__________________________________________________________

Vitae has been a spiritual counselor for over 25 years. He is an All Game Guide and has trained 22 new guides. All Game is a self-discovery workshop in the form of a board game.

Vitae is as well as master numerologist and teaches numerology online.
JoyfulNumerology.com

Are you in the process of planning that last special party for the soon to be bride?

Before you go strait to the “good stuff”, you may want to break the ice with some fun and games. Not only will people feel more comfortable but the event itself will be much more memorable.

The first decision that you need to make is if you are going to host a “nice girl” party or a “naughty girl” party? Once that you have made that decision, you can pick a theme for your party. Some people choose to go with a party based on one’s favorite movie or actor. Some even choose to do the party based on one’s favorite time period. The options are endless and can be picked based on the bachelorette’s likings. However, whichever theme that you choose to go with, whether naughty or nice, some form of game should be utilized to help loosen the crowd.

One idea could be to hold a scavenger hunt. Make a list of items for the Bride to be to acquire while you all are out on the town for the evening. If you choose to do a nice party for the soon to be bride, you could do such tasks as finding a man with the same shoe size as the groom, a man with a business card, or even a man willing to serenade her. If you choose to do a naughty party for the soon to be bride, you could do such tasks as finding a man who would give her a chest hair, find a man who would kiss her, or even a man who would give her his phone number. Another game that you could consider playing is Bag Ladies. Once the guests arrive, the hostess will pass out a brown grocery bag to the guests. You will explain to your guests that they are to put them over their head and not remove them until told to do so. You will then tell everyone to remove an item that she doesn’t need. The guests who catch on quickly will remove the bag and watch as the other guests begin removing other items such as watches, jewelry or perhaps even more. The last person to realize that it’s the bag that she doesn’t need wins a prize.

And of course the whole point of breaking the ice is to bring out everybody’s true personality so there is nothing keeping you and your friends from enjoying each other’s company. I hope the above tips helps you to plan a spectacular special event for the soon to be bride.

While you are at it, take a look at some of our
Sexy Lingerie. At lovefifi.com, we
carry items such as
Shelf
Bras and
Corsets
in addition to thongs and bikini’s. We also carry sexy costumes which are also a
fun way to spice up the evening.

Next to consider in your wedding
planning will be your wedding photographer. It will be tough to
choose from so many choices in town. Photography is an expensive
luxury and also a must during your great day, so you can show
off to your friends, aunties, colleagues and so on and so
forth… So you want good pictures, frames that capture all the
different kinds of mood and fancies, that means you have to
start shopping for one and allow enough budget to accomplish
this goal. With a few friendly tinkles, we will help you narrow
the wide choices.

Click on their website and discover as many of them as possible.
There will be photo galleries of all their pass work, feel free
to browse around. Always look for the style that you are
confortable with, remember, wedding different photographers have
different kind of style. Some are high key (high in contrast,
like in hollywood movies), others are pop, MTV style,
Lifestyle…

After you have selected and jote down the address and contact,
it is time to meet them. When you meet the wedding photographer,
there are several questions you have to ask yourself. Is the
quality of the wedding photographer of your standard? How does
he present his work? Proud of his work? Slipshod presentation?
Does the wedding
photographer capture the moment? Look through the albums, do you
see romance on the pictures? What catches your eye? Are they
just idiot-proof shots? Do all those pictures tell you a story?
Will he be able to take candid shots? What are the percentage of
the wedding photographer are wedding shots? Is his business
mostly weddings? Is
he an outdoor photographer or studio photographer? One of the
most important question is whether are You comfortable with the
wedding photographer? Be very honest to yourself, if you want a
good memory taken, this is the obstacle you have to pass, not
the budget not the packages. Simply because, You are going to
spend the whole day with the wedding photographer. If you don’t
like the photographer for whatever reason, (maybe he has a mole
somewhere that you feel uncomfortable with) it will show in your
pictures. Over many weddings that I have attended, I have
watched brides who were obviosly annoyed by the photographer,
and all I see are plastic smiles and maybe…clenched fist. Not
a very good sight! Is he available on your Day? What packages
does he offer?

After you have gone through the above test, if he
pass…WAIT…before you sign the contract, ask him whether he
is the one that is available to take your wedding shots on that
very Day. Some Studios will just send a freelance photographer
to get the job done. If he is not the one, you have waisted your
time in building a good rapport with him.

So that’s it, always remember to advice what kind of moment you
want him to take note. Other than that, all your greatest
memories will be taken in time and space.

Choosing wedding flowers is such an important part of the wedding. There are some things to be aware of when you are ready to decide on your wedding flowers.

Since your flowers are an essential part of the wedding you should begin by preparing a budget. When you have a budget in place you will have a very good idea what the flowers are going to cost. If you don’t have a budget you could easily end up spending far more money than you had planned.

If you haven’t already decided on a florist you may want to ask the advice of family and friends. Pay close attention to the recommendations of those who have recently been married. The newly married will be able to offer you good advice. You can also talk to the people who are in charge of the ceremony and reception sites. These folks often have great ideas for the best florists.

You may want to make a few visits to the florists that you are considering. When you are actually in the business you will see how the customers are treated and if the shop is clean and organized. Take a good look at the flower bouquets and arrangements and notice the design and freshness of the flowers.

Figure out how many arrangements, bouquets, boutonnieres and corsages that you will need. Take this information with you any time you talk to a florist about the wedding flowers.

Before you decide on your wedding flowers, talk to more than one florist. You might want to bring pictures of bouquets and arrangements that you like. Also bring pictures of your dress and the bridesmaid’s dresses. All these things will be instrumental in assuring the most beautiful wedding flowers possible.

Make sure you have samples of the colors you plan to use in the wedding. This will be very helpful in choosing the colors of the flowers.
You might want to ask the florist for some photos of wedding flowers they have designed. Many florists keep a book of wedding flower photos exactly for this purpose.

Talk to your florist about using flowers that match the style of your wedding. If you are having a casual wedding you may want to use different flowers than if you are planning a traditional wedding.

You also might want to consider using wedding flowers that are specific to your region and to the season in which you are getting married. This will not only keep the cost down but you will not have to worry about the flowers being available.

Choose your wedding flowers carefully and they will be a wonderful part of your wedding.

http://flowers-list.com Everything you need to know from silk to real flowers.

Whether he is knee high to a grasshopper or already a little league slugger, your ringbearer will think he is “one of the guys,” thanks to the responsibility of carrying your wedding rings to the front of the altar on your wedding day. Why not commemorate the occasion by choosing among a selection of ringbearer gifts readily available in stores today?

Your ringbearer will take his job seriously. And he will also be a little nervous. After all, who would not be, considering that all eyes of the wedding guests will be upon him? Ringbearer gifts are a great way to convey your thanks to him and that you appreciate his efforts.

What type of ringbearer gifts should you consider? There are a few things to factor in first in your quest for a present. First of all, how old is he? His age could guide you in your decision in ringbearer gifts. Another factor to think about is his personality and interests. What gets him excited? What does he have fun doing?

If he is just a little guy, consider ringbearer gifts that are keepsakes, yet also functional. Personally engraved silver plated banks make for great ringbearer gifts. Depending on what he likes, you can find banks shaped like tractors, airplanes and even trains. In addition, you can put a few dollars in coins to start his “savings.”

Other ideas for ringbearer gifts for a younger kid include Lego kits, Hot Wheels cars and even activity kits with markers and stickers. The Lego’s and even the activity kits would make great ringbearer gifts because they could keep the little guy occupied during what he would think is a really long reception!

If your ringbearer is a little older, his interests and hobbies could be a good guide to determining ringbearer gifts. If he is a baseball fan, there are great personally engraved keepsakes like baseballs or even baseball bats. If he is a football kind of kid, great ringbearer gifts include a special edition football or a jersey with his favorite player’s number on it.

Maybe he is a video game nut. Great ringbearer gifts include a portable Gameboy, game software for his computer or a gift certificate to his favorite video game store. For an adrenaline rush, amusement park tickets or water park admissions make for some awesome ringbearer gifts. For those outdoor types of boys who like camping and fishing, compasses make for ringbearer gifts as do fishing poles and backpacks.

Some ringbearer gifts speak to the child in all of us. Remote controlled cars, motorcycles or even airplanes would thrill your ringbearer. Just make sure you don’t charge those batteries ahead of time or else you will have him racing it throughout the reception! Of course, he is going to want to be just like the big guys, so maybe ringbearer gifts of a personalized drinking mug or tankard would work. Of course, whatever you choose would be the kid’s version of what the adult groomsmen may have received.

No matter what ringbearer gifts you decide upon, just remember that he is still just a kid. So look to the child still living inside your own heart and think about what you would have been thrilled to get at his age. That will help you in your quest of great ideas for ringbearer gifts.

Dave Poon is the owner of Engraved Gift Creations. We take the headache out of selecting gifts for your wedding party, whether they are Groomsmen or Bridesmaids. Come and see our selection of groomsmen gifts and bridesmaid gifts at Engraved Gift Creations.